Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Katherine Webb and the morbid depths of US sports 'journalism'


A look at a popular sports website article, the related comment section and the Katherine Webb situation is not a pleasant experience. 



Katherine Webb (right)

In a brilliant, cutting, journalistic masterpiece the site Bleacher Report brings us the vital report, ‘’Katherine Webb Says She's 'Nervous' About Iron Bowl Game’’. Earth shattering stuff. Sarcasm aside, this is a reflection of two topics. This is what Webb has to look forward to the rest of her life, and secondly, yes, this is the state of Sports ‘journalism’ in the United States.

200-400 word ‘articles’ with ridiculously inane headlines, an excuse to publish a few pictures and catchy captions, fodder for the comments section. And boy oh boy does the Bleacher Report comment section deliver, as always.

Let’s just say a trip to the depths of a Bleacher Report article comment section is something that future generations will probably study in terms of the depths of human stupidity. A more moronic, monosyllabic and ignorant place you shall never find.

This ‘article’ brought out the best in Alabama football fans  (click the image to view the comments but be warned, some are offensive).




In a way, you can’t blame them, this is the way they are led by the super media powers that be. This is what they are fed, and this is what they are reacting to. In January of this year I suggested that the blatant objectification on television of Webb was sexist and frankly kind of misogynistic. Some people liked the article, plenty hated it, and it generated reams of hate mail and aggressive comments from readers who called me everything from an idiot to a liberal to a liberal idiot and plenty more I won’t repeat here. College football generates the wildest, most angry of responses from its fan base.

It also generates the worst kind of commentary from same
(click the image to view the comment but be warned, it is offensive).


Let's call a spade a spade here, Bleacher Report may try and portray itself as a sports website, but really it is just a portal for trolls to say offensive things. If they want to argue that fact, well you can just point toward any of their moderated comment sections, which are all basically as bad as the above.

Back to Webb for a second.

As we said, this is her future. Basically a punchline to a stupid story. It has been a year, and it doesn’t appear as if Brent Musburger’s swarthy, scum-bag, salacious comments have got her anywhere really. No career rocket blast appears to have occurred, Instead Webb will continue to be fodder for the likes of Bleacher Report. It was suggested by some back in January that Webb herself was okay with Brent Musburger’s comments, and that she viewed it as a launching pad for her career. It would be interesting to talk to her in a couple of years, after a few more thousand ugly, sexist and misogynistic comment sections get their hands on her, to see if she still felt that Brent Musburger basically salivating over her on National TV was really a porgressive vehicle for her career.

At the end of the day, this is where we are at. Idiotic articles, ugly, aggressive comments sections and sexism in mainstream US sporting media unchecked.

If only some of the billions of dollars generated by College Football in the USA were spent on, you know, education.

There's a caption in here somewhere..


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Alabama to change their mantra ‘Roll Tide’ to ‘Part, Tide’.


After a dramatic weekend of College Football action, Alabama have decided to change their historic old mantra from 'Roll Tide' to a more apt, modern version. 





Alabama may have lost their unbeaten season, and possibly a shot at the BCS title game, however it is not all bad news for 'Bama fans. After the dramatic, final second loss to rival Auburn in the Iron Bowl game last Saturday, the Alabama powers that be have decided a fresh, updated mantra is required for the school to modernize itself.

Art Buckawinski, a school administrator, talks us through the change.

''Well, as you know, the Alabama special teams parted like the Red Sea to allow Auburn to score that missed field goal return, so we thought, heck, why not update the old mantra and bring in something new, fancy and, I guess, sexy. Well, a few of us were sitting around with a few school boosters and we thought, what about 'Part, Tide'. Seems like the right thing to do''.

There you have it.

Goodbye 'Roll Tide', hello 'Part, Tide'.


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Guinness Book Of Records confirms: Seattle Seahawks have easily the most annoying fans


While attending the Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and the New Orleans Saints, to check if the home town team could break a fan-noise record, the Guinness Book Of Records staff chanced upon another amazing discovery.

Seattle fan: Awful.

The elite Guinness Book Of Records ‘fact checking team’ was in the house last night to catch Monday Night Football and New Orleans at Seattle. They were there with bundles of highly tuned, expensive audio testing equipment to measure the home crowd noise and see if the Seahawks fans could break the World Record, and indeed a few ear drums, for crowd noise during a game.

Seattle fans: Really annoying
While testing the audio levels one of the highly trained fact checkers stumbled upon an astonishing discovery.

The Seattle Seahawks have, easily, the most annoying fans in all of professional sports.

The Guinness Book employee, Gunther Fartgarten, breathlessly takes the story up;  ‘Yes, I was checking my audio equipment when I looked up at the stands, and it kind of just came to me. I thought to myself ‘My God, these fans are really annoying’ at which point I grabbed a copy of the book of records and thumbed through it. Previously the most annoying fans in the World were St Louis Cardinals fans, but clearly everyone feels kind of sorry for them now, so Seattle fans are obviously in pole position now’.

The Guinness Book uses a complicated algorithm to calculate Crowd Annoyance Levels (CAL) and they maintain a level of secrecy around this, although Mr Fartgarten did say; ''I mean, did you see that one guy dressed as the Hulk? How annoying was that? That was worth 2 CAL points right there. Did he think it was still Halloween? Idiot.''

Seattle fans: Hulk smash.

Sadly Seattle's noisy fans have failed to break the World Record for noise levels during a game. Of course they can be content in the fact they have taken another title, that of The Single Most Annoying Fans In The World.

Seattle: Grammatically challenged.
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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Panthers unveil dominant new defensive play to win against the New England Patriots


Monday Night Football did not disappoint, with a thrilling encounter between the host Carolina Panthers and the visiting New England Patriots. The titanic matchup will go down as a classic and even has its own signature play attached, a little something the Panthers worked on before the big showdown. Sometimes, practice makes perfect


Luke Kuechly wraps Gronkowski up
Luke Kuechly wraps Gronkowski up

They had been practicing it all week. When the time came, the Carolina Panthers' young star linebacker Luke Kuechly knew exactly what to do. With the game on the line and future Hall of Fame Quarterback Tom Brady knocking on the door, the Panthers resorted to a new play recently added to their defensive playbook. Kuechly says that after a tough week of training, he was allowed by Panther coaches to name the play and decided upon 'Center bear hug tight.'


Defensive holding? Of course not!
Defensive holding? Of course not!

The Patriots last minute drive was in danger of ruining the night for the hosts, and jostling the NFL’s desired narrative of the home team coming good at the end, when in stepped Kuechly. His perfect execution of ’Center bear hug tight,’ – grabbing on to Patriots tight-end Rob Gronkowski and holding him in, well, a bear-hug, while the ball was in the air – saved the day for the home side.

Brady's pass was picked off for an interception as Gronkowski watched helpless, unable to intervene as  Kuechly executed a perfect bear-hug on him.

Panthers coach Ron Rivera was positively glowing about Kuechly after the game;  ‘That kid works so hard, we just love him to death, we asked him to do a job, and you could all see that bear-hug, there’s no way Gronk was catching that ball, that’s all we ask of Kuechly right there’.

When asked what the Panthers had planned if the referees threw a flag, Kuechly said 'That’s okay, we knew they would pick it right back up.'

Luke Kuechly getting the job done
Luke Kuechly getting the job done
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Friday, November 15, 2013

The Gladiator and the NCAA football player, 1,000s of years apart, but linked through eternity

Watching Alabama take on LSU on Saturday night, the viewer could quite easily, and without too great a leap of the imagination, have been watching any of the major Gladiatorial events of the final period of the Roman Empire. With slightly less blood spilled, of course. One focal commonality exists between the two however. Whilst all other related parties profited both then and now, neither the Gladiators of Rome nor the athletes of the NCAA were or are paid for their blood, sweat and tears.




The roar of the enormous crowd. The sweating, heaving, equally entertained and enraged masses. The pulsating energy hovering over the stadium. The vicious encounter on the field of play. The militaristic overtone, laced into the crowd and spilling out around the boundaries, be it full uniform military service personnel or constant reminders of the state’s knee-deep involvement in military exploits. Gambling, snack type food and side-line entertainment above and beyond the action on the field.

We could be describing Alabama taking on LSU on Saturday night, or we could be describing any of the major Gladiatorial events from ancient Rome. Every single one of the above elements are true to both.

Yes, even the gambling. In ancient Rome, a ‘libellous’, a detailed program of the respective Gladiator event, gave the records of fighters for the benefit of gamblers. Much like ESPN giving gambling related information on its website before a big college showdown (despite the fact that, you know, gambling is illegal in most States and all that!).

The similarities between the peak of the Gladiator phenomenon and the peak of College Football are tantalizingly fascinating.

Both entities reached or are reaching their peak at a historical time of political and social upheaval. Rome was in the throes of being dragged to pieces both internally by bickering politicians, and externally by hordes of barbarians. The United States? The internal political strife may be even worse than ancient Rome, however perhaps the external dangers haven’t fully metastasized as yet. Unless of course you take the recent US Military doctrines all being remodeled to prepare for war with China as serious. Then, the barbarians the Roman legions faced are like a pack of rowdy kids wearing Mickey Mouse hats banging on the door.

The similarities between the two entities, separated by thousands of years, are enticing at a superficial level, and almost hilariously fascinating when you dig a little deeper. At every level of the Gladiatorial games we can match them, almost perfectly, to modern NCAA football.

Gladiator games had sponsors, College Football has shady booster groups, who plow money through dark-alley-type avenues into football programs. You could also compare the Gladiator sponsors to modern day advertising, which flushes money into College Football while promoting itself alongside this.

The music that was played at Gladiator fights, which historians suggest rose to a crescendo as combatants brutally killed each other? How about those gaudy College marching bands, and accompanying cheerleaders, that frolic around as if they are mindless idiots after each score. Advertising? Now, FOX sports and their kin blast gaudy, colorful advertisements at us, urging us to believe we are about to witness a seminal point in our lives, the games are purportedly that important. The Romans loved a good billboard advertisement too, and enormous, detailed adverts were placed all over town pre-fight.




The Military? The Roman army was out in force during the Gladiatorial fights, and historians note that off-duty soldiers were given preferred seating, and cheered by the adoring crowd. If you followed major European soccer tournaments in the 1970s and 80s one feature was Eastern European matches invariably played out in front of hordes of Red Army soldiers, roaring on from the stands in their masses. The United States hasn’t quite reached that level of Communist Military adulation and deification, but goodness is it trying!

The Gladiators themselves? For the large part, mere fodder, lives to be snuffed out in a blink for the entertainment of the masses, and the benefit of sponsors. Doesn’t that sound very like College Football, where, for the large part, players risk life and limb without hope of moving on to the next level (The NFL), all for the entertainment of the drunken masses and the benefit of schools coffers, the NCAA and the corporations that promote themselves alongside College Football.

Gladiators were owned by the rich of Rome. They were bought and sold on the open market. NCAA football players are recruited aggressively by colleges, and pretty much ‘owned’ by them until they exit the program. If they step outside the bounds of their new role, they are summarily punished, much like the Gladiators before them.

In Ancient Rome a tiny proportion of Gladiators became so famous that they attained a celebrity status, and often won their freedom. I am sure you can see where we are going to go with that one, right? As we speak, a tiny, minuscule proportion of NCAA football players attain legendary status akin to their Gladiator counterparts, and obtain entry to the next level, the NFL.

The rest?

Just mere fodder for the corporate entertainment machine that is College Football.

In Ancient Rome, 99% of Gladiators fought to the death for the populace's entertainment and the rich sponsors' financial benefit. In the modern day United States, 99% of NCAA football players toil eagerly for our entertainment and so that Viagra can hock a few more little blue tablets.

Neither the vast majority of dead Gladiators nor the overwhelming majority of modern day NCAA players benefited financially from their efforts. Everyone else did, or does, just not the subjects themselves.

The decline of the Gladiators? This is intrinsically linked to the huge problems Rome had keeping control of its vast colonies, armies and related military expenditure.

Re-read that to yourself again and ask yourself, remind you of anyone you might know?

There is no doubt an inherent nobility and a brave dignity in both the exploits of the common Gladiator and indeed the common NCAA football player. However, much as with Ancient Rome, the massive, tarnished, twisted, money-grabbing and often corrupt framework around them is as ugly now as it was then, back when the Barbarians were at the gates.




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Thursday, November 7, 2013

Northwestern's ‘Wounded Warrior’ uniforms are an insulting money grabbing act

Macabre uniforms designed by Under Armour and set to be worn by Northwestern are meant to honor the veterans of the military, but in fact are nothing more than an ugly and indeed insulting money-grabbing venture, something college football is very good at.

New Northwestern uniform
On November 16th Northwestern will wear a unique uniform in their game against Michigan. The outfit is being described as a ‘Wounded Warrior’ uniform, and a salute to patriotism and the brave fighting men and women of the United States of America.

This ‘salute to America’ has all the subtlety of a sledge-hammer and will no doubt be a wild hit with salivating sports anchors across America on game-day.

In this day and age, it is tantamount to treason to even remotely question anything as ‘glaringly patriotic’ as this, but, if you will allow me to get up on my soap box for a moment or two, let’s have a look at a few of the factors that make this one of the most crass attempts at merchandise flogging in recent memory.

First of all, to the uniform design itself. The brain dead monkey genius in Under Armour who came up with this design should spend a little time walking around military hospitals showing wounded veterans the drawings of his or her creation. It would be interesting to see how young, injured and often horribly mutilated veterans would react to a uniform that actually depicts their blood being shed on the ground.

Just marvel for a second at the sheer stupidity of this concept,

Blood spatter.

On a uniform intended to honor injured military service veterans.

Really?

Second, the finance of this operation would make most Mafia bosses blush. It is no secret that sales of merchandise attached to this project will go into the pockets of the University's football program, the NCAA and Under Armour to the tune of 90%. The Wounded Warrior program? They get 10%. Effectively a little chump change, broken off to pass this whole disgusting venture off as charity of sorts.



Above all else, it isn’t the fact that these jerseys are completely insensitive to the potential battlefield trauma suffered by veterans of the cause they are supposed to honor, and it isn’t even the disgusting fact that only 10% of the sales will go to the charity, it’s the sheer arrogance on display in the sale of this merchandise that stinks the worst.

Let’s be crystal clear here: if you buy one of these jerseys you are not progressing some kind of noble, patriotic act. You are not making America any safer from terrorism. To be 100% clear here, you are simply lining the pockets of a rich football program, a wildly rich institution and a super-rich clothing company.

If you just think they are ‘super awesome’ jerseys, and you just want to wear one as you drink your Coors Lite, great, knock yourself out. Please, just spare us the patriotic sanctimony. Giving 90% of your presumably hard-earned money to corporations is not a patriotic act. We looked it up. In no shape or form does doing this mean you are being even 1% more patriotic than yesterday.

In fact, you are possibly being less patriotic, as the time spent buying and wearing said jersey could instead have been spent volunteering at a homeless veterans food kitchen or visiting elderly veterans or volunteering at a center for the rehabilitation of injured, mutilated veterans.

That ties into my last point.

Genuine and meaningful philanthropic opportunities are scattered all around us, in a myriad of shapes and forms. If you really want to do some good in the world, there are literally a billion things you could do that would have a more positive effect than sending giving Northwestern’s football program, the NCAA and the clothing company Under Armour $9 out of every $10 you spend on their merchandise.

Go forth and find one. You will feel the better for it (and, you will be a little less out of pocket too, probably!).


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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Red Sox fans in Ireland brace for game six of the World Series

Ireland is home to a surprising number of baseball fans, many of whom root for the Boston Red Sox. We caught up with a few of them ahead of game 6 of the World Series between Boston and St Louis.


 Red Sox fans in Ireland brace for game six of the World Series
The Boston Red Sox in action

People outside of the Unites States often scoff at the title ‘World Series’. Their sarcastic bluster is based on a perception that seeing as it is only North American teams participating, it shouldn’t be called the ‘World’ series. These contrarians are missing a couple of simple, subtle points. First of all, the players that take part in the games are genuinely from all over the World. Major League Baseball today is a multicolored collage of players from all around the World. Secondly, the appeal of the Series, and the game of baseball, is now strong all around the World. Yes, even in Europe.

The Irish national baseball team, for example, has played in stadiums all across Europe, from Hull in the UK, to Karlovac in Croatia, to Stockerau in Austria and Regensberg in Germany. If you are not familiar with it, the strength of the game of baseball in Europe would surprise you.

The World Series obviously holds a particular allure, and tonight’s game 6 is no different. Ireland, with its close ties to Boston, is home to a surprisingly large group of Red Sox fans, all of whom are waiting nervously for tonight’s first pitch. Yes, despite the 12:30 am GMT starting time over here in Dublin!

We caught up with a few of these Red Sox fans ahead of tonight’s showdown.

Mark Treacy, a 17 year old student from Wicklow town, in county Dublin, follows the games on MLB TV, the MLB website itself and occasionally on Boston.com. he has managed to watch every single World Series game, and a few of the playoff games before that, particularly the day time games US time, which are at a very reasonable time here in the GMT zone!

Mark thinks the latest he was up (to watch a 2013 playoff games) was 5 am, although he was so tired he didn’t remember fully. The reason he’s able to watch all the World Series games? He’s on a school vacation!

His answer to Red Sox playoff related exhausting syndrome (RSPRES), simply sleep it off (oh to be a student again)!

His favourite moments of the World Series so far have been the big Gomes home run and the Uehara game ending pickoff.


Garret Pearse, a  42 year old Information Technology executive from Wicklow, has been a Red Sox fan all his life, and has been to many games at Fenway Park. He is also a pitcher on the Irish B League Championship winning Dublin Hurricanes. He uses MLB.TV for all the games, usually on his iPhone with the headphones in and the duvet over his head, like a bold child trying not to be caught. Garret is a die-hard Sox fan and has only missed one or two of the 2013 playoff games, and those he followed on his phone. He figures the latest he was up was probably last Saturday’s game 4, which ended somewhere around the 5 am mark! As he said himself; ‘’I still haven't figured out what time I really got to bed!’’. When asked how he manages work the next day, he answered; ‘’ Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.’’ His favourite moments of the World Series so far? Shane Victorino’s and  Big Papi’s grand slams and Jon Lester’s big game 5 win.


Peter Kavanagh, 29, the Information & Networking Officer at Active Retirement Ireland is from Clondalkin in Dublin. He has a tried and tested method for following the Sox; ‘’ I listen in to WEEI until my mind and body shut down and tell my heart to go to sleep. The next morning I watch the condensed game on mlb.com’’

A busy man with a schedule that would make President Obama blush, Peter is doing his best this playoff run; ‘’ I'm not catching them all live, but I'm devouring everything about them the morning after. Highlights, interviews, analysis, you name it.’’ Peter is not finding it easy to last the whole way through the games this time round; ‘’ During the '04 World Series, I was in college, so it was a regular occurrence to watch the entire game, then make some tea and head straight to class. I can't sleep in work as easily as I slept in German Lit. 201, so I call it a night about 4amthis time round.’’

Of course the flip side of this is, unlike many other Irish Red Sox fans, Peter is a fully functional cog in work the next day. How is he combating Red Sox playoff related exhausting syndrome (RSPRES)? ‘’ I have spent the guts of a World Series ticket on coffee in a wonderful little cafĂ© on Capel St in Dublin. It's called Brother Hubbard and their excellent caffeine and friendly staff are possibly the only reason I haven't gone postal on all my colleagues.’’ An avid baseball fan and super intelligent human being, Peter naturally has an interesting take on the best moments of the 2013 World Series thus far; "

It's all about Papi, but it's not about him having the best World Series of any first baseman or DH ever, or his token effort to join the Beard Gang. It's the singles he legged out in games four and five. When Ortiz is hustling along the basepaths, you know this is a team that will fight to the last out.’’


Adam Murray, aged 30, from Stoneybatter in Dublin, is another disciple of the Church of MLB.TV. He watches is either on apple TV or on his laptop. In terms of this playoff run, Adam describes his viewership as such; ‘’ I've watched the start of all the games at least. The Spirit has been willing, but the body has been weak,’’. In fairness to Adam, he has put in the long hours before. He remembers going to bed at 6 am after the Red Sox bitter loss to Baltimore at season’s end. The Sox clearly owe him one this time around! Adam is another coffee addict, at least during the Sox playoff journeys. His answer to RSPRES? ‘’ Fresh air, water, adrenaline and smugness.’’. Adam’s favourite moments of the 2013 World Series thus far? ‘’ Everytime Big Papi swings his bat, and Koji's game ending pick off in Game 4’’


The above is just a small sample, you would probably be shocked at the depth, intensity and also baseball-intelligence of the fans over here in Ireland.

Now we just have to root out a Cardinals fan or two to tell their side of the story….