Do the right thing, Alex

As we approach another long, drawn out Alex Rodriguez 'situation', the much maligned slugger can do the baseball loving World a favour and lay down arms, surrender and try his hand at something else

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It's all about A-Rod

By now you probably have a general idea of the basics. If you are an adult male aged 17-70 and are in possession of an Internet browser and a pulse, you are probably a quasi-expert on the latest A-Rod situation. You have no choice really but to be, because once again A-Rod is holding us hostage to his unique brand of fraud, drama and bullshit.

In short, A-Rod is in trouble yet again. His name has been linked in the same report that ‘got’ Ryan Braun, the Biogenesis scandal (no, this has nothing to do with an alternative rock band started in the 70s by Peter Gabriel, this is all about needles and drugs).

The battle lines have been drawn and the first volley of shots are about to be fired. Word is MLB, frustrated by A-Rod’s refusal to take a plea bargain type deal for a lesser sentence, are prepared to throw the proverbial book at the goofy slugger. Apparently commissioner Bud Selig is prepared to use Article XI, Section A1b of the collective bargaining agreement “to effectively keep Rodriguez from ever returning to the field by bypassing the grievance procedure outlined in the joint drug program [that] MLB operates in conjunction with the Players’ Association,” Rodriguez would be suspended immediately for violating the “integrity of the game” and would later get a suspension for violating the drug program. MLB are not only accusing A-Rod of ‘roiding up’, they are also accusing him of intimidating witnesses and buying documents that incriminated him, rather than letting them fall into the hands of investigators.

In short, A-Rod is up to his neck in filth, and MLB wants to absolutely slate him for it.

The initial word from the A-Rod camp is he is going to fight the entire process every single inch of the way.

That’s A-Rod all over though isn’t it? All through his career A-Rod has been about himself first. His stats, his ‘legacy’, his money. It is no coincidence that he has been hated by players and fans alike at every single club he has played for.

Make no mistake about it, every single fan base he has graced with his reverse-Midas touch carries a special kind of hatred for the man. Whatever you do, don’t mention the name A-Rod to Seattle Mariners fans. If you recall, they showered the money grabbing slugger with dollar bills when he showed his face in Seattle after leaving for one of his many big pay days. His own team-mates in Texas openly mocked him, giving him a couple of nicknames, take your pick from ‘Bitch tits’ or ‘The Cooler’. The latter is the perfect description of A-Rod at the time, alluding to the Vegas hey-day ‘coolers’ that pit bosses employed to ‘cool off’ hot tables.

In other words, A-Rods team-mates in Texas nicknamed him based on his ability to cool off a rally.

They weren’t exactly showering him with love now, were they?

New York? A-Rod has been through the full range of emotions with both the fans and his team mates in New York. The Yankees have thus far successfully managed to protect their clubhouse details, however previous leaks have suggested A-Rod is basically on his own in there, having taken on Jeter and others once too often. The fans? If A-Rod does come back, his first 0-10 stretch will show us how the fans in the Big Apple feel about A-Rod.

Spoiler alert: Boo!

Perhaps no fans base detests A-Rod with more gleeful passion than Boston’s, and with understandable reason too. Need we remind you of the time A-Rod tried to slap the ball out of Arroyo’s mitt? Being so entrenched together in the AL East, RedSox fans have had a front row seat to the daily circus that has been A-Rod’s reign of terror in New York. Boston and Toronto fans don’t often see eye-to-eye however, the night A-Rod shouted ‘Got it!’ as he rounded third in Toronto, that night, we were all Blue jays fans.

Could A-Rod perhaps make something useful out of this and call his amazing ability to unite disparate fan bases against him a positive thing? A tangible skill?

As we cruise headlong towards this undoubtedly horrific car crash that will be MLB v A-Rod, round 12, you have to wonder, what kind of happiness or enjoyment could the latter be getting from this dance, at this stage? Sure, he is obviously going to fight this to protect his 'earnings' for the next few years, however, A-Rod already has enough money to buy Saudi Arabia. How on earth does he think this is going to end well, and why is he seemingly happy to go head to head with Bud Selig and his goons, and fight a long drawn out battle where his name will be, once more, dragged through the mud. 

Wouldn't A-Rod be saving a lot of people, himself included, a lot of time and effort, if he just called a halt to the madness and stopped trying to pretend he is clean. 

We all know you are filthy A-Rod, straight up dirty.

Do the right thing Alex. Retire. Go away, go spend your money and let us enjoy our game again, without having to suffer through another one of your introverted, painful stunts.

A-Rod - he's boring himself at this stage

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Breaking news: Alfonso Soriano traded to New York in return for a 6 x 4 of Kate Upton in a Yankees cap

Yankees manage to trade for prized slugger in return for a glossy picture of the New York fan, Kate Upton. 

The Kate Upton picture sent by the Yankees to the Cubs in return for Soriano

The New York Yankees and the Chicago Cubs have agreed on a trade where slugger Alfonso Soriano is heading to the team from The Big Apple while in return the team from The Windy City is receiving a framed 6x4 picture of model Kate Upton, wearing a New York Yankees baseball cap.

The picture of Upton is just the feature part of the deal. The Yankees will also receive Soriano, $17 million towards his $24 million 2014 salary and a lower-tier pitching prospect from the Cubs. Chicago will receive the glossy picture of Ms Upton, a $50 voucher for Bubba Gump’s Shrimp House in Time Square, two upper deck, restricted view tickets to a Yankees v Astros game on a Tuesday night next season and a day pass to the New York Museum of Mathematics.

MLB experts are suggesting the Cubs have come out slightly better in the trade, despite Soriano’s 17 HRs and 52 RBIs in 2013 thus far.

Chicago Cubs general manager Theo Epstein said; ‘’I just feel like we’ve got the best we could out of this deal with the Yankees. Have you seen the picture? It’s really nice, and they even laminated it for us, which I thought was pretty classy.’’

Some Cubs fans were a little upset that Chicago didn’t get more for the trade. Joe Punter, a Chicago resident, said ‘’I just feel like we coulda pressed the Yankees for a bit more, like maybe a picture of her in her bikini? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great pic, I’m just saying.’

Could the Cubs have got more from the deal?

Of course some clubs are exasperated at what they perceive to be the New York Yankees continued ability to collect quality players off of other teams in return for scrap, or, in this case, a picture of Kate Upton in a baseball cap. The Boston Redsox GM Ben Cherrington has come out strongly against the trade, suggesting that the Cubs should have held out for more.

Cherrington said ‘’This situation is absolutely ridiculous, a Major League slugger with those kind of impact stats traded for a picture of Kate Upton? The league obviously doesn’t care that the Yankees basically get what they want for nothing. You can’t tell me that Theo (Epstein) shouldn’t have held out for a signed bikini, or something creative, like a date with Kate, or something?’’

Reached for comment, MLB commissioner Bud Selig would only say; ‘’I just don’t think we need to look into this, I mean, have you seen the picture?’’

Alfonso Soriano or something, whatever.

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Toronto Blue Jays relegated to the minor leagues

Major League Baseball kick starts new ‘relegation’ system between Major and Minor league baseball, using Toronto as it’s guinea pig

Blue Jays having fun in outfield

 Buried in last place in the ultra-competitive AL East, almost 10 games under .500 and fresh off yet another embarrassing loss to the Dodgers, the Toronto Blue Jays have been hit with fresh humiliation, as Major League Baseball has decided to relegate them to AAA Minor League Baseball.

The Blue Jays were once again humiliated by the Dodgers last night, this time blowing a big lead late in the game to sink 14.5 games behind in the race for the AL East. The Blue Jays spent millions of dollars in the offseason and were expected to challenge not only for the American League but also for the World Series. Instead they will spend next season battling young baseball players in the Minor Leagues.

MLB has announced the Blue Jays will be allowed finish the season in the Majors but will start next season in the Minor Leagues.

Bud Selig told reporters ‘We just felt like now was the perfect time to bring in this format, with the changes to the BCS playoff system coming soon and with the NFL possibly going to 18 games, we wanted to keep things fresh and interesting’ He went on to add ‘Plus, have you seen them (Toronto) play lately? They are awful!’

The Blue Jays held a closed, players only meeting before last night’s game and the word is the players are unhappy at the prospect of taking buses and playing in front of tiny crowds in small stadiums in the Minors.  Pitcher R.A. Dickey is reportedly writing a book about the decision.

Manager John Gibbons could not be reached for comment, although he was seen sitting in the dugout surfing Monster.com on his iPad.

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The flaws in the plan: Despite record, Redsox need change to compete

The Redsox may have just won the series against their arch rivals New York and may own the best record in Major League baseball, however big changes are required if they are to be competitive in the playoffs

Mike Napoli wins the night

Yes, the end of the Yankees series came with a happy ending. Yes, Boston owns the best record in all of baseball. And yes, a series win against Tampa this week would provide a little separation from the AL East pack. However, all of this comes with a massive caveat. The fact of the matter is, the Redsox will not be doing anything meaningful in October unless they make some serious changes before the trading deadline passes.

We’re not talking small changes here. Sure there are plenty of tweaks that can be, and should be, made, however the below is a list of changes that simply have to happen if the Redsox are to be competitive going into the 2013 MLB playoffs.

Three things in particular need to happen.

The bullpen needs the addition of at least two outstanding arms. The pen held up admirably over the weekend, however it represents something of a creaking old ship, which could sink at any moment given a slight change in conditions. Right now the only Sox bullpen piece you would truly trust in October baseball would have to be Koji Uehara. Nobody ever won a World Series with a bullpen that consisted of Craig Breslow, Junichi Tazawa, Matt Thornton, Drake Britton, Pedro Beato and Jose De La Torre. It is simply not possible. The two Andrew’s, Bailey and Miller, are enormous losses and the Sox have to replace them. Uehara is an effective and indeed exciting closer, but the Sox need a couple of power, swing-and-miss arms as a bridge to the high fiving closer, or they are not going to be winning anything of note in 2013.

We’re not talking ‘nice prospects’ coming up from the minors here. We’re talking impact, game winning arms. Jonathan Papelbon and K-Rod (Francisco Rodriguez) would appeal. Both are available also, with the Phillies and Brewers having effectively nothing to play for this season.

Papelbon is basically the same as when he departed Boston, with a few more miles on the tyres. He is still effective, and would obviously fit right in to the team and the town itself. K-Rod is intriguing. His velocity is down but he is still throwing 90-93 with a cartoon curve ball and the savvy of a veteran pitcher his age. He would be a welcome addition as a setup man or possibly even closer, although it is debatable if he is an upgrade on Koji or not.

Second, the Redsox have to trade for a front line starter. Again, similar to the bullpen issue, we’re not talking ‘nice’ 4th or 5th starter here, no young up and comers need apply. We’re talking second or third rotation piece preferably. Having said that, why not aim high? Chase an ace and see what you come up with. Let’s face facts, the Redsox rotation is a nasty, sloppy mess right now, held together by smoke and mirrors. The current ace? John Lackey, and deservedly so, he has been showing Sox fans exactly what he can do when healthy (and slim!). After that?

Brandon Workman is a nice, high upside, starter for the future but he is a 4th or 5th spot starter in the rotation at best. More cannot be expected of him at this early age.  We are not talking a Ryan Dempster type either here. Dempster is doing his admirable best, but if Boston are going up against the finest arms in baseball in October, with Dempster starting, we’re in trouble. The Sox won last night because they scored 8 runs, not because of Dempster, who did, to his credit, stop the Yankees from cashing in on some early base runners. We need more come October however.

Jake Peavy would be interesting, is throwing 91/92 and knows his way around a 7 inning quality start. He would fit in beautifully behind Bucholz with Lester and himself fighting over the 2nd spot in the rotation. Cliff Lee might be available, and the Sox should at least kick the tyres on that one, to see if anything is going. Whilst we’re dreaming, even someone like Felix Hernandez has a price. Seattle could no doubt be blown away with the right package.  The point is, the Redsox need top notch starting pitching, and they need it now.

Finally, and we hate to stick the fork in here, but the Redsox need a catcher.

Unless the Redsox bury Jarrod Saltalamacchia in the 9 hole and put stock in his admitted ability to handle the Sox diverse pitching staff, they are not going to get any further value from Saltalamacchia. He basically has two things going for him, every once in a blue moon he steps into a poorly located fastball and parks it in the bleachers, and as we said, he does appear to be good with the pitchers.

Apart from that, he is basically useless. Saltalamacchia cannot stop a running game, and his attempts to do so are increasingly embarrassing. His bat is completely ineffective particularly recently. In the last 30 days Saltalamacchia has hit zero home runs and has a paltry 9 RBIs in 66 at bats. His average of .240 in that spell sums him up perfectly. Not absolutely awful, but, close.

We do have to be somewhat careful here as it is important that a team’s pitchers trust and indeed ‘like’ their catcher, and the Redsox pitchers seems to hold Salty in high esteem. Perhaps the Sox could, as we said, bury Salty in the 9 hole and hope his influence on the pitchers is worth his black hole offensive stats.

The fact is though, an impact catcher who can fill up the 6 or 7 hole in the order with authority, would push the Sox closer to being a contender.

And, at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about, right? Winning this damn thing.


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Wrestling fans react in horror at news WWE fights are scripted in advance

Wrestling fans all over the United States are reacting in horror at the news that their sport is scripted in advance.

Wrestling: scripting shock

News has broken of a shady Reddit user successfully predicting WWE matches in advance of their start. Wrestling is reeling with the news that on r/SquaredCircle, Reddit's pro wrestling forum, one poster called Dolphins1925 has gone 38 for 38 predicting the outcome of WWE matches, or games, or fights, or whatever they are called. For the recent WrestleMania event, he was 100 % accurate. In addition to the eight matches that aired, Dolphins1925 correctly predicted a dark match that was held before the show, and one that was scheduled but bumped until the following night's Raw.

Dolphin1925 has since come forth and admitted he works in the WWE offices and is in fact a leak. The Edward Snowden of the WWE World if you will.

The news has thrown wrestling fans into a frenzied confusion. The problem doesn’t appear to be that there is ‘a leak’ in the WWE house, the confusion seems to be arising from the fact that WWE is scripted in the first place.

We presented the evidence to a few WWE fans in Birmingham, Alabama.

Dwayne Diggums the third

‘’Wait one second, wait, back up a second, wait, wait, you are saying WWE aint real?’’

Dwayne Diggums the third

Parker Chestnut Junior

You know, nothing is sacred. First they put a Muslim in the White House, and now this, and what next, you gonna (sic) tell me that Nascars only turn left?

Parker Chestnut Junior

Chase Johnson Jackson the second

''I just feel robbed, you know what I'm sayin', robbed, I was a loyal fan and now dey (sic) telling me there ain't no reality? You know what, I knew something was fishy with a few of those fights though, just like I know that Obama was born in Kenya and is a Muslim!''

Chase Johnson Jackson the second

No word as yet what the impact on the WWE fanbase will be as they struggle to figure this one out, however we are hearing there is mass confusion among same as to what a 'Reddit' is, and where they can find one.

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Translating Slim Thug's courting of Dwight Howard

With the news that Dwight Howard has 'chosen' to play for Houston, time to look back and translate some related Tweets from last week, pre 'decision'. 

Dwight Howard

And so it came to pass. Dwight Howard, he of the absolutely enormous ego and yet questionable fortitude, has 'selected' Houston as his landing spot for the next part of his painfully dissected NBA journey.

Since Howard chose Houston over a few other teams, including the Lakers, we have to examine the impetus behind this decision and subsequent change of scenery. One of the potential catalysts to the move was noted Houston area rap artist, 'Slim Thug'. Mr Thug sent Howard a slew of messages on the social networking site Twitter, urging him to come to Houston.

The 'tweets' are all written in the modern vernacular of 'the streets' and thus largely incomprehensible to the average human being.

We approached noted linguist, professor of Modern English, Oxford University, Dr Henry Moorhen Winterbottom the second, to help us understand the tweets in full. Here’s what he came back with in terms of translations.

Please note the language used by Slim Thug might be offensive to some, so if you think this might be you, please go here instead and have a nice day.

Otherwise, let's dive right in.

Yooo @DwightHoward what uppp gone come down to Houston G we got ya u already know Kobe gone act like a girl and blame u all season
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: Here we find Mr Thug asking Mr Howard if he is going to travel to Houston and he attempts to cajole the latter by saying 'we got ya', or, 'We have your back'. Mr Thug then proceeds to imply that noted basketball player Kobe Bryant is going to 'act like a girl' and appropriate blame for poor performances on Mr Howard.
 

We real out here u can buy a big ass crib for cheap ill throw u a few assist on hoes make your next move your best move G @DwightHoward
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: This Tweet translates literally to 'Houston is a grounded area in which to live, and you can purchase property cheaper here (than in LA). I can help you meeting the ladies, do ensure your decision is a good one'. 

Have u ever been to @dreamshouston or V-Live @DwightHoward ??? LA ain't got strippers like we do
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: In this Tweet Mr Thug asks Mr Howard if he has been to either of two gentleman's clubs in Houston. Mr Thug then implies that the ladies who dance in those clubs are superior in Houston to those in LA. We are unsure what metrics he is using as the basis for this analysis. 

We both got babymamas @DwightHoward do u know that they only get 20% in Houston it's wayyyy worst in LA
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: The literal translation here is 'Both Houston and LA have serious social issues, however those same issues are statistically worse in LA than in the former'. It would be interesting to note which sociological journal Mr Thug is basing this analysis on. 

A bottle of rosé in a Houston club is $250 max in LA $1000 befo taxes and gratuity @DwightHoward
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: 'Inferior alcoholic beverages are cheaper in Houston area clubs than in their LA counterparts. This statement is particularly true when you take into account state taxes and (no translation required finally on this word) indeed in the case of gratuity'. 
 

The galleria mall is a fool kid every store in one spot stay crawling with Bad bitches @DwightHoward
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: 'The Mall called the 'Galleria' is an enjoyable place to visit, my fellow, almost all of the stores in one particular part are populated with many aesthetically appealing women with questionable motivees, morals and who are potentially in the possession of a police record'.

And @DwightHoward we got the Texans so not too much pressure on winning a ring this year we got time to grow u kno LA gone hate tho
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: This was a challenging one, Mr Thug appears to be suggesting that because the NFL team 'The Texans' are also in the Houston area, there is not as much pressure on Mr Howard to deliver a title. This statement would appear erroneous on many levels, from the fact that the Texans will not be winning a Superbowl any time soon, to the unusual concession that Mr Howard doesn't need to win a ring. What exactly does Mr Thug want from Mr Howard, as a Rocket? He finishes with the statement 'the people of LA are going to be unhappy with you if you don't win (a ring)' Judging by this, it would appear Mr Thug is suggesting it is okay to fail in Houston. In his defence, it is the home of the Astros.

And u can talk on the phone and text while u drive down here @DwightHoward
— slim thug (@slimthugga) July 1, 2013

 
Dr Winterbottom: Mr Thug finishes his pitch by suggesting you can break the law in Houston. The authorities would probably have a thing or two to say about this.

Mr Slim Thug

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The O'Malley baseball fields in Dublin, Ireland - a short history of Ireland's home of baseball

Ahead of The Peter O’Malley International Invitational tournament, a part of The Gathering, we take a quick look at the baseball field funded by Peter O'Malley of LA Dodgers fame

The Hurricanes and Spartans, two of Ireland's top baseball clubs, at the O'Malley field.

The O'Malley Fields at Corcaigh Park in Clondalkin, West Dublin are the main home of Irish Baseball. The fields are named after legendary LA Dodgers owner Peter O'Malley, who generously funded their construction in 1998. The majority of league games are held at the fields, along with playoff games and Ireland National Team games and practice sessions.

Peter’s father, Walter Francis O'Malley (October 9, 1903 – August 9, 1979) was an American sports executive who owned the Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers team in Major League Baseball from 1950 to 1979. Calling him a baseball executive, however, is not paying him anything close to his full due, he is a Dodgers legend. The Dodgers were initially successful under O'Malley's leadership, winning National League pennants in 1952, 1953, 1955, and 1956. In 1958 he brought major league baseball to the West Coast, moving the Dodgers from Brooklyn to Los Angeles. They remained successful on the field, winning the World Series in 1959, 1963, and 1965.

On March 17, 1970, Walter turned over the presidency of the team to his son Peter. Peter O'Malley held the position until 1998 when the team was sold on. In that time he became friendly with legendary baseball Ireland emissaries Anne Murphy, Mike Kindle and Mick Manning, a trio who have worked tirelessly championing the sport in Ireland. Through that friendship, Peter generously funded the construction of the O'Malley baseball Fields at Corcaigh Park in Clondalkin, West Dublin in 1998 and those fields have been the home of Irish Baseball ever since.

The fields are not only the logistical home of baseball in Ireland, they are the spiritual home of same also. Since their constructions in 1998 thousands of moments and memories have been born at that field, quite literally hundreds of great games of baseball have been played there. It is safe to say that people’s lives have been elevated by those fields, and most people who have played ball in Ireland owe a great debt to the generosity of Peter O’Malley and his family.

Baseball Ireland, proudly supported by The Gathering Dublin and Fingal Leader Partnership, will be holding the inaugural Peter O'Malley International Invitational Baseball Tournament from July 12-14, 2013 in Corkagh Park, West Dublin. Participating teams are expected from Ireland, continental Europe, and the UK. Find out more on the tournament on the official Baseball Ireland website

The Dublin Hurricanes at the O'Malley field in Dublin

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