ESPN's earth shattering report on which side of the bed LeBron gets out on

ESPN has gone to great lengths to report on how Michael Jordan had it all wrong, LeBron James can dribble left, or right, or something. Here's an exclusive sneak peek at their forthcoming follow up report on which side of the bed LeBron likes to get out of in the morning. Let's find out!!

A very ESPN snap of LeBron James

LeBron James thinks Michael Jordan's scouting report on which side of the bed he likes to get of in the morning is wrong. And James keeps proving it. Yes, we at ESPN are supposed to be impartial, but, we frequently write sycophantic sentences like, 'and James keeps proving it'.  ESPN recently asked some guy called Michael Jordan which side of the bed The King, LeBron James gets out of in the morning. Laughably, this guy, this random Joe Punter, Michael Jordan or whatever his name was, said that he thought, and we are snickering just saying this, that LeBron likes to get out of bed on the right hand side of said sleeping device.

Within days of the story coming out, LeBron, simply put, got out of bed on the left hand side of the bed.

Just. Like. That.

The very next day, LeBron did it again, hopping out of bed on the left side, as if he was mocking the guy who made the comment, whoever he was. We can't even remember. Mickey Jordache or something?

The King - LeBron James

Appraised of the guy's comment by a drooling, slathering ESPN reporter, LeBron tilted his crown to one side and let out a Doctor Hibbert like laugh.

"That theory is wrong, I guess," James said of the Jordan report.

According to Synergy Sports, James has got out of bed on the left side 50.5% of the time in 2013.  When he got out on the left, he had toast with his cereal 54% of the time. Among the 52 players who got out of bed over 50% of the time in 2013, James had the best efficiency of getting out of bed in the league. The data shows James really likes getting out of the bed on the left side.

"Frank Walker, my first sleeping coach, taught me how to get out of bed on the left side" James said. "He wouldn't let me get out of bed on the right, until I could get out on the left efficiently. We used to do it before practice every day. He always told me I'd be a much better player if I could get out of bed on the left side"

Tune into ESPN 9 tomorrow at 8 am, where we film LeBron getting out of bed on the left side. We're calling it; 'The Decision Two: Which side of the bed today?'

LeBron James

For Bobby

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Boston Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask punches Toronto player in face during game

Bruins goalkeeper takes care of business in the crease during the Boston versus Toronto playoff game seven last night

Tuukka Rask - Boston Bruins keeper

Incredible comeback by the Boston Bruins last night. Playing game seven against Toronto, for a place in the conference semi finals, they were absolutely dead and buried down 1-4 late in the game. The Maple Leafs were completely dominant to that point, and their fans were celebrating like maniacs on the streets of Toronto.

The Bruins got one back to make it 2-4, however Toronto looked nailed-on to score and salt the game away on a fast-break. Instead, Bruin's keeper Tuukka Rask made a superb save, and allowed what happened next to occur. As time wound down, the Bruins stunned Toronto with two very late goals (one with only 50 seconds left) and then scored the vital goal in overtime.

Boston moves on to play the Rangers in the conference semi finals.

Rask made a number of key saves in the comeback, but also had another interesting moment. During the game, Toronto's Joffrey Lupul decided to venture into the crease. Let's just say Tuukka Rask took care of business.

Tuukka Rask @ work

You have to love the honesty of the NHL. The honesty and also the lack of prima-donna, Diva types. Imagine for one second if the above happened in any of the other major sports. Even the NFL. ESPN would literally explode. Rick Reilly would wet himself with excitement.  Hey, whether it is right or wrong to box someone in the snout during a hockey game, it is a credit to hockey fans and the hockey media too, that this hasn't been turned (yet anyway) into a big deal.

The game was intense, someone got punched by a goalie, move along, nothing to see here. You have to love hockey, and, unless you are  Joffrey Lupul, you have to love Tuukka Rask.

The Boston Bruins

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Meet Filomena Tobias: The Miami fan who flipped the bird at Joakim Noah

Previously we brought you the story on the new poster child of the Miami Heat, an angry, ugly woman who thought it was OK to aggressively flip the bird at the Bull’s Joakim Noah. As it turns out, the media got hold of her pretty easily. Her name is Filomena Tobias and let’s just say, she has priors.

Filomena Tobias and friends

Are you ready to meet Filomena Tobias? Let’s just warn you, the chances are you are going to like her even less than when you first met her, after you read a little extra about her exploits thus far, before becoming the new face of the Miami Heat fandom. Let’s start with another websites headline today;  'Millionaire hedge fund widow cleared of foul play in death of husband flips the bird at basketball star'. Are you tantalised as yet?

It’s true, Mrs Tobias was cleared by police in the mysterious drowning of her husband at the couple's Jupiter, Florida home in 2007 after her husband's siblings accused her of foul play.  Filomena and Seth Tobias' (the fourth in a line of four marriages that didn’t work out for Filo!) marriage was allegedly fraught with drugs and violence but although Mr Tobias' siblings suspected her of foul play in his death, she was cleared.

Want to know how the financial aspect of this went down? Delighted you asked.

Under the settlement, Tobias’s brothers Sam and Spence took complete control of Tobias Brothers Inc., a private company, which makes it difficult to value. Filomena inherited “the balance of the estate” which would include the couple’s $3.3 million Jupiter home. Under Florida law, the “inventory” of an estate is sealed.

The New York Times reported on the lives and times of the Tobiases in a completely unrelated 2007 story. Some quick highlights for you to enjoy

• A former assistant to Seth Tobias told the police that Filomena Tobias confessed to him that she had cajoled her husband, who was on a cocaine binge, into the water, promising him sex with a male go-go dancer known as “Tiger.”
• In March 2006, the police were called to the Tobiases’ home because of a domestic disturbance. A few days later, Seth Tobias filed for divorce. It was one week before the couple’s first anniversary.
• Filomena Tobias claimed that she had caught him having an “adulterous affair” and that he had “gambled away tens of thousands of dollars and used other funds on illicit habits.”
• At one point, Filomena Tobias bought a Porsche on her credit card and then cried when her husband told her to return it, one friend recounted.
• They also secretly frequented a gay bar called Cupids in West Palm Beach
• Filomena Tobias once paid a “300-pound gay con man and Internet psychic with a long criminal history” named Billy Ash as much as $2,500 per month for his advice.
• Filomena would often appear at the office and demand cash. “Give me 15,000 f—— dollars. Give me 15,000 f—— dollars,” she hissed on one visit, according to the former Circle T staffer

She’s quite the catch, right?

Watch out buddy - you could be next!

Perhaps the single most annoying aspect of all of this, is the comments that came from her step-daughter, Victoria Racanti; 'She's embarrassed, but she is being a good sport. She was having fun just like any other fan. All she has to say is that people need to get a life.'

A quick note to Mrs Racanti, no, she is not being a good sport, she was being an obnoxious moron. Furthermore, she was not behaving like any other fan. She was behaving like 1% of fans, the knuckle dragging 1% that pulls stunts like that. There is zero excuse for her stupid actions.

You know, the more we go through the process that is this clown's 15 seconds of Internet fame, one thought remins truly shocking

Who could have imagined it, a relaxed and 'zen' Joakim Noah is coming across as, yes, likeable!

Rare shot of Filomena Tobias not flashing the bird at opponent player

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Miami Heat fans have a new poster child

Obnoxious woman and man at Heat versus Bulls game captured for eternity giving Joakim Noah a ‘Miami farewell’

Obnoxious Miami heat fans

Last night the Miami Heat demolished the upstart Chicago Bulls on their home turf 115-78 to ease into a 1-1 tie in their NBA Eastern Conference playoff series. During the game, noted Bulls hot–head Joakim Noah got into it with a zebra and got tossed for his troubles.

As he exited to the locker-room, a Miami couple charged the guard rail to the tunnel and, well, as you have probably guessed by now, the above happened.

It should first be noted that the Heat were winning by 37 points at this point. Imagine these imbeciles reactions if it had been closer. To focus on the main element of the picture, the Miami woman who is so gleefully waving her middle finger in Noah’s face, it would be interesting to know how long it took her to sprint down from the luxury club suites. Whether they like it or not, this woman is now the face of the Miami Heat fan base. Before we appear to be too eagerly driving the knife in here on Heat fans, please bear in mind two things. First, before the ‘Big Three’, Heat games had all the atmosphere of a funeral. Heat playoff games were just as bad. Pre-LeBron, as the Celtics spanked Miami out of the playoffs, their home playoff games were laughably attended. Second, it has to be remembered that the Miami Heat are the same team that recently had to send out a flyer telling their front-running fans how to act at NBA games. No, seriously.

As we said, the woman is now the poster child for Miami Heat fans. Everything about her screams fake, from the glittering gold encrusted jewellery and handbag, the screaming, over the top blouse and white pants to the contorted, angry face. Take a closer look and enjoy her flabby, shiver inducing under arm fat. We predict that’s next on her plastic surgeon’s to-do list.  What is clear is that this new found media exposure is really going to give her something to talk about with the gals at the country club, as they sit back and enjoy a $250 pedicure together

Whatever about the 'woman', We have no clue what Paul Simon is doing behind her. We would like to imagine he's shouting, 'Look out, Noah, this 'woman' is going to shove her finger up your nose!'

Or, singing it, as the case may be

On a somewhat serious note, huge kudos must go to Noah for remaining composed in the face of such arm flab waving hatred.

You stay classy, Miami, you stay classy.

The next Miami tourism board poster campaign is revealed

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The Chinatown Yellow-Faces consider name change in light of Redskins debate

World Series champion San Francisco based team consider new name options less wildly racist than ‘Chinatown Yellow-Faces’ as country continues to be divided by Redskins debate. Other equally racist-named teams also considering change. 

Redskins lids and logos - not racist? Sure, as long as you are OK with teams called 'The Yellow-Faces' or 'The Black-Faces'.

A D.C. City Councilman David Grosso, independent, plans to introduce a resolution to the council declaring that no one in the district should have to tolerate "derogatory terminology relating to any people's racial identity," adding that the Redskins name "dishonors the name Washington." Grosso said he has the support among fellow council members and that "it's time to make a change."

The Redskins are of course not the only professional sports team in the United States with an openly racist nickname. The San Francisco MLB World Champion 'Chinatown Yellow-Faces' are one of the better known teams with a similarly racist nickname, and the NBA of course has the ‘Brooklyn Black Faces’.

The Yellow-Faces are famous for their baseball cap logo, which is simply a silhouette of Bruce Lee wearing what appears to be a kimono. The Brooklyn Black-Faces logo appears to be another Jerry West-like silhouette depicting in this case Beyonce kneeling at and hugging Jay Z’s right leg, with a bag of an unknown substance in one hand and a smoking glock pistol in her other hand.

People have been so wrapped up and indeed invested in the fervent, vociferous debate around the Redskins disgracefully racist name, that no one has paid any attention to the tiny interest groups that are trying to get the Yellow-faces and the Black-Guys names changed also. It would appear as if the names and also logos have simply been accepted, as demonstrated by the millions of fans of both teams that attend games wearing Yellow-Face and Black-Guys logos.

However, many fans of the Yellow-Faces in particular are disgusted at the prospect of a politically correct name change, and have been voicing their opinions loudly on FOX News. Walter Sobchak, a military veteran and semi-professional bowler, interviewed in a coffee shop, pounded the counter of same with his fists and declared ‘I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the mud in Nam so some lefty, liberal, PC freak could go changing the names of the team my Dad, Grandad and great Grandaddy supported!’

Sobchak is a member of the lobbying group called ‘Yellow-Faces forever’ which is fighting to keep the racially insensitive name attached to the San Francisco team. ‘’What was it Robert Griffin said, we are all slaves to the tyranny of political correctness?! Dude couldn’t have been more right’’.

Robert Griffin Jnr was, of course, traded last night to the ‘Savannah Slaves’, the new expansion NFL team from Georgia, who’s logo is another Jerry West type silhouette, this time a pre-Civil war chain gang, working in what appears to be a cotton field.

We have reached out to the Griffin camp to see if he still holds on to the same ideal that political correct left wing types are ruining his freedoms.

We shall, as always, keep you posted.

Town-hall meeting of the group ‘Yellow-Faces forever’ showing solidarity with racist Redskins logo fans

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