Rays manager Joe Maddon uses big word, confuses reporters.

The Tampa Bay Rays may have been dumped out of the MLB playoffs last night by the Boston Red Sox, however not before their stupefyingly intelligent and ruggedly handsome manager, Joe Maddon, made 9 pitching changes and confused reporters after the game with a gigantic word.

Joe Maddon makes one of 9 pitching changes on the night.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays' playoff run came to a jarring halt last night, as they were dumped out of the playoffs by the Boston Red Sox. Their 1-3 defeat was of course entirely the fault of the playing staff and absolutely nothing to do with Super Genius Manager Joe Maddon. The latter pulled out all the stops in trying to lift his over-matched team past the financially superior Red Stockings.

There is literally nothing Joe 'Genius' Maddon could have done above and beyond the incredible measures he went to in trying to force a game 5 in the playoff series. Maddon turned what should have been a 3 hour game into a 5 hour marathon with an incredible 9 pitching changes. He did this because he knows better than you. He also made other shift, lineup and defensive positioning changes that we would get into but they would be too hard to explain, because, as we know, Joe Maddon is a genius.

You could try to understand the moves he makes, however, you just wouldn't be able to comprehend the sheer depth of his thinking.

It is not only the common fan that is left feeling like an idiot in the enormous wake of Joe Maddon's giant intellect.

After the game last night Maddon held court, eulogising at length about the variety of great, nay, brilliant moves he made in an attempt to win the game. During the course of the questions from the assorted press, Maddon said;

''But the way it was going in the beginning there, you could see it was not going to work. We had to do something a little bit differently. Then we became a little bit more extemporaneous at that point.''

A low, awed gasp went up among the assembled scribes, as they looked at each other, many with mouths agape. 

Maddon noticed the reaction and sat back in his chair, waving his hand regally, he sighed, 'do you need me to explain that word?' to which a couple of the press confirmed in the affirmative.

Maddon explained slowly that extemporaneousis means something that is made up or done without special preparation. ''You people might describe it as, say, 'ad-libbed', in lay mans terms''

Joe Maddon ladies and gents.

Manager.

Teacher of minds.

Genius.

Genius at work

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Tampa Bay Rays announce measures to improve attendance

The Tampa Bay Rays will finish dead last in attendance figures in Major League Baseball yet again this season. Rays owner Stuart Sternberg has announced dramatic measures that he hopes will change the teams horrific attendance figures around next year.

Yet another pathetic crowd at a Rays game

Despite making the playoff, The Tampa Bay Rays are dead last in MLB attendance figures yet again, having drawn an average of 18,646 fans per game. Every single other MLB team, even Houston and Miami, drew better than the Rays. Their inability to 'draw' has become an institutional failure of a magnitude previously only seen in comedic sports movies.

In an effort to counter this, Rays owner Stuart Sternberg is introducing sweeping measures he hopes will invigorate the Rays fan-base, and get the turnstiles clicking.

We're delighted to bring you an exclusive first-look at those same measures.

• First and foremost, all games will start at 4:30 pm. The hope is that this will 'speak-to' the timeframes that suit the Rays fan-base the most.
• Next season all Rays tickets are now going to be advertised as being 20% off.
• Further to the above point, all Rays games will all be advertised as 'The early bird Rays special'
• Ethnic food concession stands will be replaced with Country Kitchen Buffet throughout the stadium
• Each game ticket will also have a coupon attached for 'half off' a hot chocolate at the next game
• The 7th inning stretch will be replaced with the 7th inning 'quiet time'. Fans will be encouraged to close their eyes and nap for a short period, before the start of the next inning.
• Finally, the team will also formally change their name from the 'Tampa Rays' to the 'Tampa Red Yankees Sox'.

Rays baseball - get pumped!

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How the media treats two different groups of MLB performance enhancing drug abusers

Known steroid abuser hits game winning home run and the sporting media goes crazy with adulation. Odd behaviour just weeks after almost openly organising tar-and-feather mobs to chase down A-Rod. Does the media treat PED users a certain way depending what group they belong to?

Frequent readers, or, should I say, the frequent reader, of this column will know the author will never be described as a gigantic Alex Rodriguez fan. Quite the opposite in fact. However, you do have to ask what’s going on today, with this ridiculous adulation around admitted Performance Enhancing Drug (PED) user Jason Giambi.

For those of you who missed it, Giambi hit a big, game winning home run for Cleveland last night, pushing The Tribe onwards in the American League Wild Card chase. Interestingly, despite the fact that Giambi was not only heavily associated with PED abuse, he actually admitted to it, most sporting media entities are today fawning praise over him like he was the slugging version of Mariano Rivera.

Is this not hypocritical behaviour from the same group that basically drove a giant collective stake through the PED infested heart of A-Rod not so long ago? Why does Giambi get praise heaped upon him while A-Rod suffers continued criticism, ridicule and worse?

Sure, A-Rod’s steroid abuse is well documented at this stage, however so is Giambi’s. In 2007 Giambi admitted to the media that he was ‘wrong for doing that stuff.’

We’re not asking why does Giambi get a free-pass here, we’re asking why does Giambi get adulation heaped upon him? Why isn’t he subjected to the same scorn as A-Rod?

Perhaps this is just a part of a wider process.

Let’s take a look at the usual suspects, and let’s group them into two batches, A and B. Don’t get too bogged down in the ‘he said she said’ element of each individual, for better or for worse the below lists contain equal amounts of rumoured, admitted and proven PED abusers.

Group A
Brett Boone
Ken Caminiti
Eric Gagne
Kevin Brown
Mark McGwire
Ryan Braun
Andy Pettitte

Group B
Miguel Tejada
Jose Canseco
Sammy Sosa
Manny Ramirez
Alex Rodriguez
Barry Bonds

Take a look at the two groups, and then answer the following question. If you had to pick one, which group would you say is open to the more abuse, ridicule and slander, of those two? It’s no contest, right? Group A, for whatever reason, are largely treated with a kind of nodding, winking respect, a kind of parental disappointment, ‘Yes, we know you did wrong, but we still love you’.

It’s basically open season on Group B. Anything goes. A-Rod is of course the poster child of the group, and let’s face it, he has been crucified.

In no way shape or form am I defending anyone on either list. Personally I think all PED users are filthy cheats and should be banned for life and stricken from any and all record books, but, that’s just my opinion.

What is fascinating is how the individual abusers in those groups are treated by the media. My firm hypothesis would be that the individuals in Group A are treated with far, far more respect than the individuals in Group B. It is very much a different ball game as to how the players in both of those groups are described by the media.

Group A, Group B.

Tell me this, can you see the separating factor?



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Is Washington's NFL team's nickname racist? A handy guide

Worried about your answer to the topical question as to whether the Washington NFL team's nickname and logo are racist or not? Can't find the time to figure it out for yourself? Our handy guide can help you come up with an answer in seconds!

It's hard to find time to progress even the most simple of tasks in this crazy, Internet fuelled, whirlwind World we live in today. More often than not, the more philosophical of tasks often fall by the wayside, a victim of time management issues and the importance of updating your Facebook page.

One of the questions which many of us just don't have time to 'get into' orbits around the Washington NFL team, and if you think their nickname and logo are racist, or not.

We're here to provide you with a simple questionnaire which will tell you what you should respond with on this topical question, if anyone asks you about it.

Breeze through these few questions and answer Yes or No to each, and then consult our handy chart at the bottom to find out which category you fit into! 

Q1. Do you think that this picture could be described as racist? Yes or No.

 

Q2. Do you see a problem in a professional team using a stereotype as it's nickname/logo in general? Yes or No.

Q3. Can you see any potential irony at all in this picture? Yes or No.

 Q4. Would you be in theory against a team from, for example, South Boston, calling itself the 'Ginger haired potato farmers'? Yes or No.

Q5. Do you agree that this picture might be slightly offensive to some minorities? Yes or No.

Q6. Do you see any issue with this picture from a couple of years ago of the entire Spanish men's basketball team making 'slanty eyes' to the camera? Yes or No.

Q7. Would you be against a team from San Francisco 'celebrating' it's Asian populace and culture by using the below as their new logo. Yes or No.

Q8: Can you see how the below logo for a New York sports team might be offensive to some parties? Yes or No.

Q9. Finally, do you see any problem at all with the below proposed logo for the Washington team? Yes or No. 

Answer

If you answered mostly 'Yes' to the above questions: You are offended, like all normal people, by racial stereotyping. You should answer 'Yes' when asked if you think the Washington NFL team's nickname and logo are racist.

If you answered 50/50 Yes and No to the above questions: You are officially on the fence, and should basically change the topic if anyone asks you if you think the Washington NFL team's nickname and logo are racist.

If you answered 'No' primarily to the above questions: Congratulations! You are a steaming, flaming pile of racism! No doubt you and Chipper Jones are best buddies, and we are probably distracting you from the latest Paula Deen cook book as we speak. Go forth and conquer, and don't worry about education, decency, dignity, compassion or understanding of other people or races or anything like that. Leave that up to those lefty, cry baby, hippy liberals!

Right - A primarily 'No' voter

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Red Sox fan wakes from coma upon hearing his team are in first place

A lifelong Red Sox fan who was involved in an accident in September 2012 and went into a coma, woke suddenly and unexpectedly as relatives discussed the Red Sox first place standing at his hospital bed.

Red Sox - winning

A Boston man who has been in a coma since being involved in a bad traffic accident back in September 2012, has woken suddenly from the coma during a conversation between his relatives at his hospital bedside. Relatives of the man described the man jolting up in bed upon hearing that Boston are now 9.5 games ahead in the American League East. As the man woke slowly in front of family and friends, his first question was ‘How are the Yankees doing?’ to which a relative confirmed that New York are 12.5 games out in the East and in danger of missing the playoffs. The man, John Fitzgerald O’Shaughnessy, 34 of Charlestown, Boston, Massachusetts, fainted immediately and had to be revived a second time.

Eye witnesses say Mr Fitzgerald then listened quietly at first as friends and family slowly described how Boston, so bad in 2012 and 2011, are only a couple of wins away from officially clinching the AL East title, and now among the favourites with bookmakers to win the World Series. Reports go on to say that Mr Fitzgerald then began babbling ‘in tongues’ and had to be calmed by hospital staff.

After a short period of relaxation a somewhat calmer Mr Fitzgerald heard that the Red Sox consensus best starting pitching of the last couple of months has been John lackey, to which he replied; ‘’Okay guys, stop f*****g around, now you’re just f*****g with me.’

Mr Fitzgerald is expected to recover fully from his injuries and commented that after reading a few articles in the Boston Globe and Boston Herald on the Red Sox, he will eventually check how his wife and three children are doing.

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New England Patriots lose Tom Brady to disabled list with 'Lost mind'.

The Patriots just about handle the Jets at wet and windy Gillette Stadium, but lose their MVP level quarterback for a potentially long period to a broken brain related injury. 

Tom Brady - lost his mind

Last night the New England Patriots may have won a battle however they also may have lost the war. In brutal weather conditions the Patriots handled the Jets 13-10 to go 2-0 on the fledgling NFL season but in doing so may have lost their future Hall Of Fame quarterback to injury.

Brady was not seen to be in any trouble leaving the field, however early post-game reports indicate Brady is already listed as doubtful for the Sunday 22nd game against Tampa.

Brady is on the injury report as; Doubtful: Lost his mind. 

Sources indicate the injury may have occurred during any one of the number of drops of Brady passes by his terrified rookie wide receivers.

Dr. Alfonso Marquez, a leading expert in lost minds with a masters from the Cancun University of Good Medicine, spoke to reporters after the news came out that Brady was on the disabled list.

''Basically if you watch the game tape you can actually see the moment Brady loses his mind, as it were. Sometimes if you are near the person you can hear an audible 'pop' as they actually lose their mind'

Dr. Marquez went on to say that 'although unusual, players often do lose their minds in stressful situations, and they can be very tricky to get back'.

As usual the Patriots are keeping very tight lips about the situation, and Bill Belichick had no comment after the game. In other NFL news, Denver have announced that former Patriot receiver Wes Welker has been downgraded to  'probable' for Sunday's game against the Giants, after pulling a muscle in his backside while laughing at the TV last night.

More updates on that situation to follow.

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Which two teams will take the AL Wild Card slots?

The chase for the two American League wild card spots is hotter than Miguel Cabrera’s bat. Six teams have a realistic shot at grabbing one of the two places, and the final couple of weeks of the MLB season will be all the more exciting for that fact.

As you no doubt already know the new(ish) Wild Card system means that there are two spots available as opposed to the old version of the system in which only one team progressed through same. The two teams then play a one game playoff to see who goes on to play in the Divisional round of the playoffs-actual.

The teams in contention are (deep breath) Texas, Tampa, New York, Cleveland, Baltimore and Kansas. Yes, Kansas. The intensity of the chase comes from the fact that they are right now all within 2 games of each other in the Wild Card standings. It is entirely realistic to suggest we might see a Wild Card playoff game between Kansas and Cleveland, with ‘bigger’ clubs like Texas and New York watching from a distance as they make their off-season holiday plans.

Of the six clubs, which are the more likely to progress? Let’s chop it up.

Despite currently being the leader of the pack we are talking about, Texas are facing a tough-ask in grabbing one of the two available spots. First of all, they are on a terrible run of form. They just got swept in three games by Pittsburgh (huge red flag, an AL team being swept by an NL team at home in their own ballpark!) and are 2-8 in their last 10 games. They have 17 games left and 10 of those are against Wild Card rivals, including a crucial 4 game series in Tampa. All things considered, Texas are in deep trouble.

Speaking of Tampa, how bizarre is it tuning in to watch their crucial games against the Redsox only to see that cavernous, gaudy stadium basically empty? Their fans are nothing short of a disgrace. Their form is pretty bad too, they are 3-7 in their last 10 games and are being pushed aside by Boston as we speak. Their remaining schedule is littered with potential booby-traps. There’s the big 4 game series against Texas and then 4 against the Orioles and 3 against the Yankees. With the way they are playing right now, you can’t really back Tampa to grab one of the 2 spots with any confidence.

The Yankees are an interesting case. They are playing to a reasonable standard, 6-4 in their last 10, if you forget the recent Redsox series, they had been taking care of business up to that point. The forthcoming weekend series against Boston will of course tell us a lot about their chances, and they have Kuroda, Sabathia and Nova lined up for that. The fact is, whatever they do in that series, they then face a pretty soft remaining schedule. 9 games against bottom-feeders Toronto, San Francisco and Houston are potentially the Yankees ticket to the playoffs. There is a series against Tampa too in there to worry about, but all in all you would have to think the Yankees can win at least 10 of their remaining 16 games and potentially pass both Tampa and Texas on the basis of that alone.

Cleveland are having a great season and despite a little 2 game losing streak are in good form (6-4 in their last 10) at just the right time. They are facing nothing short of a cake-walk of a remaining schedule too, with 14 games against the White Sox, Astros and Twins. They have 6 alone against the White Sox and you have to fancy them to win 4 of those at least, with as bad as Chicago are playing. They should take 11 or 12 of their remaining games and with that push themselves up the Wild Card standings.

We’ll call it right now, the Orioles are not going to the Wild Card playoff. It just isn’t happening. Sure, the 6 games against the abysmal Blue Jays on their run in look juicy. However, the 11 remaining games against New York, Boston and Tampa are the reason the Orioles will not be playing playoff baseball this season. The fact is they have to pass 4 different teams to grab the last 2 spots, and with that schedule ahead of them that just isn’t happening.

Finally, Kansas have had a fantastic season thus far, and they are playing good baseball just when it matters most, 7-3 in their last 10. The problem for them is they have to pass 5 teams to make the playoff, and they face 9 very difficult games against Detroit, Cleveland and Texas. Their only chance is if they survive those 9 and then blast their way through a remaining 7 games against Seattle and Chicago. It could happen, sure, but the odds are against them. They are simply running out of schedule.

Overall analysis?

Cleveland and New York have a great chance of facing each other in the Wild Card playoff game. Cleveland are playing good ball and have a very straight forward remaining schedule. The Yankees have a tricky few games against Boston and Tampa but after that they face a 9 game run-in against some of the Majors worst teams.

However, any which way you chalk it up, the remaining couple of weeks should be fascinating.




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